Loving Blue Eyes

I think about my mom’s blue, blue eyes a lot. I close my own and can picture her looking my way in the most loving way a human could ever achieve. Not long ago, I found a handwritten notecard that she gave me. It said something to the effect of: “Having a child forever changes you — it’s as though your heart lives outside of your body…and is never the same again.” I remember when my mom was sick, feeling that way about her, my heart crept out of my being and has been so raw ever since. Not that I suffer much anymore, but I felt in some way like we switched roles…. that she was my child for a bit and I’m still in some ways trying to make friends with that newly found part of myself. Growth isn’t easy but it can be lovely. It’s ok to feel unsure and a bit scared. Each day, we grow if we choose… and then grow some more. My mom isn’t here to see it, but I can close my eyes and meet her in silent moments. There her eyes sparkle with love and I can say, “thank you for everything mom… I love you too.”