Dear Mom,
It’s been almost 9 years since you left this earth. And yet, I feel like it isn’t real.
Every day I miss you, and I fear you’re not around in the ether waiting for me to join you when it’s my time. Not that I’m ready now… or will be any time soon that I know of.
But, it’s so strange to go through life without you here. How does a kid go on without her truest advocate and sounding board?
I know that I’m one of everyone who has lost people I love to whatever is next — but it becomes more obvious that as time goes on the missing becomes longing.
A longing for reunion — for the same level of enjoyment that came with exploring the world with those who meant everything.
Oh, we humans were wired for forever. The losses we suffer, no matter how many times we tell ourselves “these things shall pass”, don’t go away.
Mom, you live within my ethos. You are a part of the fabric of my being. And, I’ve been learning to make friends with this reality.
And believe me, sometimes friends war — and they weep together… then wake up in the morning weaving golden hues of forgiveness around each other.
I’ve had a few dreams with you in them. The one that stands out the most was when I found myself under the vast night sky and the largest array of stars I’ve ever seen blazed through my sleeping mind.
I looked to my left, and there you were. You walked my way and together we glided across a grassy field.
Then, we sat together and didn’t say a word.
We didn’t need to say anything at all.
Just us being together under the stars was everything.
The tethering of souls… it’s a wild phenomenon. And thankfully Mom I was lucky enough to be born to you.
Please if you’re around, let me know. I need your guidance and love.
